I haven’t been posting on this site like I used to. It’s not that Judaism has become any less important to me, or that I am bored or over it. Nothing could be further from the truth–I find myself needing it now more than ever.
I have a lot going on in my life right now. My sister is getting married and we’re planning her bridal shower. While a joyous occassion, planning for it sucks a lot of the anticipated joy out of it.
I broke the heart of a good man, and already find mine becoming ensarled with another’s. He’s smart and has a dry, wry sense of humor. He’s questions me and pushs back when I make quick judgments. He’s a great listener, complements my own nerdiness. And he doesn’t have a problem with my conversion.
My home was broken into in January. Our stolen gun was recovered in the home of a gang member in March. And now my car is being targeted for vandalism, in what we can only assume is an effort to intimidate us. I’m struggling to seek justice and not vengeance, to maintain mercy instead of rage, to remain logical instead of accusatory and suspicious. We feel really trapped, walking the line between mustering the courage to stand up to this terrorism in our own home and avoiding further provocation. Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers.
I am also struggling to find a Hebrew name to adopt–I knew it was hard to name a pet or to name a baby, but naming yourself is really hard, too. You’re an adult so you like the way some names sound, but you hate the meaning. Or you love the sound and the meaning, but aren’t sure if it fits you. And as much as you like the meaning of the name for you now, your connection to its letters and sounds and meanings may not fit you for the rest of your life. Added to all this, I do not know the connotations certain names carry in Israel. Like, forgive me if this is your name, but most Nancy’s seem to be the mean girls on the playgrounds. Who wants to name themselves that?! I thought this would be the easiest part o f conversion because I love names and etymologty, and it’s turning into one of the most difficult!